Camden- 4 mo.

Yes, I'm still using Camden's newborn pictures that Brie took for me. (bhlphoto.blogspot.com)  I love them.  He's huge now compared to these.  I'll post more current ones tomorrow.  But tonight, I'm just going to think about him as a cute little newborn!

 

I just realized as I was putting Camden to bed tonight that he is 4 months old today.  Man I love that kid.  I realize I haven’t shared much about him on our blog.  Partly because I’ve been busy.  I think mostly though because I am still wrapping my head around how grateful I am that he’s here.:) Whatever the reason- this baby is loved like crazy, and it’s SO hard to imagine our family without a baby Camden.

The past year has been such a roller-coaster.  I was so, so sick at the beginning of my pregnancy, but I’m pretty sure I’ve already shared all that so I’ll spare you the details:).  We usually wait to tell our kids until we’re ready for everyone to know, and we usually wait to tell everyone until the end of the first trimester.  About 6 weeks in, my 8-year-old worrier was pretty sure I was going to die from some mysterious illness, so we spilled the beans so she could start sleeping again at night.  A few months later I was SO excited to start feeling better, almost overnight.  I started running a little again since I’ve had no problem running during pregnancy before.  After a couple weeks I just had a feeling that maybe I shouldn’t run anymore, and decided it wasn’t worth the risk to ignore that feeling.  A couple weeks after that, I had my 20-week ultrasound.  We (especially Broden) were thrilled to fine out we were having a little boy!  A couple days later, on a Sunday night, my doctor called me at home to tell me he was concerned about some of the findings on my ultrasound.  He went on to list several things that showed up, what they could be indicators of, as well as some strict instructions to start following immediately.  He referred me to a specialist (who couldn’t fit us in for weeks) who then recommended genetic counseling. (Really nice lady.  Not a fun experience.)  After a special fast (thank you) and after a more detailed ultrasound we got some mixed results.  The good news was that one of the things they were worried about had resolved itself.  Another thing that had initially shown up had actually been something entirely different.  Others were still there, but less worrisome because the first two were not an issue anymore.  So while we were somewhat out of the woods in one respect, we then had something different to worry about.  I had a partial placental abruption (basically the placenta started pulling away from my uterus) which created a pretty significant bleed which strangely I had no symptoms of.  By the time they knew this it had healed just fine, but then they gave me all kinds of things to watch for in case it started happening again. Interesting side note- remember when I felt like I should quit running?  They think that the tear happened right before my ultrasound.  Which was right after I quit running.  They assured me that running would not have caused it, but definitely could have made it worse.

We’ve never been so grateful for a good doctor.  We’ve always liked him, but our only experience with him before this was with well-child checks and a very normal pregnancy (Sadie).  This time, there were sleepless nights as I lay in bed waiting to feel Camden move.  (He didn’t move a lot for a while for other reasons..)  He let me come in whenever I wanted, no questions asked, just to hear my baby’s heartbeat.  Finally, especially as it got closer to my due date and he got bigger we seemed to be out of the woods.  Then my due date came and went. :)  My doctor knows how I feel about getting induced.  No judgment here for others, it just doesn’t work for me.  I had done it twice; it had been hard both times.  My third I went into labor on my own and it was SO much easier.  When I went in for my last appointment, my doctor sheepishly told me that he had expected me to have my baby by then, and he had a family vacation planned and was leaving in 3 days.  My options were to play it by ear and run the risk of someone else delivering my baby or be induced before he left.  He told me to go home, talk to Dan, pray about it, and let him know by the end of the day.   He assured me that he didn’t think induction would be a problem this time, and with it being my 4^th baby he thought it would be a quick process.  Dan and I both felt strongly that it would be ok, so we decided to go ahead with it and waited for the hospital to call and tell us they had an opening.  

We were hoping to get in the next morning, but we ended up waiting all day before we got a phone call from the hospital at 1:30 a.m. telling us we could come in.  We were there by 2:00.  We thought surely that our doctor would come in and deliver our baby before he went to work.  He came to check at 7:00- nothing.  The nurses checked several more times.  Nothing.  I swear inducing makes labor WAY harder.  I had considered a natural delivery this time.  Finally after 12 hours of labor I told Dan that if they checked me and I wasn’t at an 8 I was getting an epidural.  I was at a 3.  Found out the anesthesiologist was in a C-section and it would be 45 minutes.  Longest 45 minutes ever.  Finally got my epidural.  It only worked on one half of my body.  Argh!  After what seemed like forever they tracked down the anesthesiologist and she came and did something to make it work better. Camden was turned wrong and I still wasn’t dilating.  Then the nurse starting coming in more frequently.  I had heard Camden’s heartbeat slow down, but for some reason I was thinking that my monitor must just be shifting or something because they kept flipping me around the bed trying to get him to move.  She finally told me that the baby was struggling, and the next thing I knew our doctor was there.  The scariest moment for me was seeing our happy, ever-optimistic, always smiling doctor there with his game-face on and not cracking a smile.  When he could see that I was struggling, he was kind enough to turn the sound off on the monitor, and take the nurses out in the hall to listen to it and discuss their plan out there.  He assured me that he would not leave, nor take his eyes off our monitor.  I heard him tell the nurse to call his office and clear his schedule for the rest of the day because he needed to be there with us.  I thought it would make me crazy to have the sound turned off, but I think it actually kept me sane.  I could still see the monitor, so I could still see that it was slowing down too much with every contraction, but at least I didn’t have to hear it too.  It was still SO hard though.  It was too quiet in there, and very tense.  I know Dan and I were both pleading with Heavenly Father to bring us our baby safe and sound.  Three hours later I was just about to demand a C-section (which I found out later I was about 2 minutes away from having anyway), when our doctor came back in.  Things got a little foggy for the next little while.  I remember him saying that if they could just get me to an 8 they would call it good and deliver the baby.  Our plan all along was for Dan to deliver Camden.  It wasn’t looking too promising that he could do that anymore, but he had him gown up just in case.  He had the cord wrapped around his neck, but our doctor was able to loosen it and Dan was able to step in and deliver our absolutely perfect baby boy.  It was a very sweet moment, and it was incredible to share it with my husband in such an intimate way.   

All of my children’s births have been sweet experiences, but I can’t describe how I felt when I held Camden for the first time.  All of the emotions of first worrying about what kind of quality of life he would have, or how long we would have him for, then worrying about the pregnancy, then worrying about his safe delivery hit me all at once.  It was a feeling of gratitude, relief, and joy beyond measure.  I’m grateful for so much.  I’m grateful that Heavenly Father knew we needed this baby in our family.  We wouldn’t have been complete without him.  I’m grateful for my husband who more than once calmed my fears during my pregnancy.  I’m grateful for extended family and supportive friends.  I’m thankful for prayer.  I know it works.  I’m grateful for the priesthood.  I’m grateful for a good doctor.  I know that being induced could have contributed to a difficult labor, but I also know it was a decision we felt good about.  We just as easily could have had a difficult labor while our doctor was out of town and had someone who wasn’t as patient or willing to hang out at the hospital with us for 3 hours when he had patients scheduled.  Most of all, I’m grateful to be a mom.  It’s an honor and a privilege.  Today, I’m especially grateful that 4 months ago I became Camden’s mom.  We sure do love him.