My favorite Christmas song

The first time I remember hearing the song "Mary Did You Know?" was when I was a new-ish (Jacey was 1) mom and living in Utah.  Dan was working on his undergrad at BYU and working part-time as a Chiropractic Assistant in American Fork.  One of the chiropractors at the office he worked at invited all of the staff and families over to their house for dinner before we went home for Christmas.  I remember it being a stressful day.  Dan was getting ready for finals and it was also the day that Jacey had her first allergic reaction to peanut butter.  As a result we were totally late and I was not very relaxed when we got there.  After dinner and dessert one of the doctors got out his guitar and started playing and singing Christmas songs.  I love how music can invite the spirit, even at a work Christmas party.  For some reason this song meant a lot to me that night.  It's a beautiful song, but I also think Christmas changes once you become a mom.  At least it did for me.  It makes me think more about Mary and her role in being the mother of the Savior.  I had spent that day worried about something as little as an allergic reaction, and this song definately put things into perspective for me.

Since then, I always turn up the radio when this song comes on.  It's one of my favorites.  It took on a whole new meaning 3 years ago though.  Sadie was born on Thanksgiving Day 2009.  That was the year of the big H1N1 epidemic, and we were under strict instruction to try and keep her home as much as possible.  Shortly after her birth though, we were invited to take part in a special Young Single Adult activity in our stake, and it was an invitation impossible to turn down.  It was organized so that they would go caroling beforehand, but be rejected everywhere they went (not knowing that was the original plan).  When they got back to the church they met in the chapel, and Dan and I came in with our "baby Jesus" (Sadie:) dressed as Mary and Joseph.  They sat there quietly as Dan and I began having a discussion with each other about what Christ's life would be like, and all the prophecies concerning his life while the young adults just listened.  We then talked about our fear of him being rejected.  Both intentionally, and unintentionally by people thinking that his sacrifice would not be enough to atone for their sins.  It was a wonderful activity, and one that I've filed away to hopefully use again later.

While Dan and I were preparing for this we spent a lot of time in the scriptures, specifically the Old Testament, learning about the prophecies that had been given concerning Jesus Christ.  I was surprised by the details that were included in those prophecies.  I was surprised to find out that among many other details that they knew Jesus Christ would of course be a Savior and a Redeemer, but that he would heal the sick, cause the lame to walk, the blind to see, raise the dead, and calm the storms.  The prophecies in the Old Testament also said that he would be betrayed by one of his friends, sold for 30 pieces of silver, spit on, forced to drink vinegar, wounded for our transgressions, bruised for our iniquities, and ultimately crucified.

I believe that Mary, the woman who was chosen to be the mother of the Son of God, was a good and righteous woman.  I believe that she was well-versed in scripture and familiar with the prophecies concerning the Messiah.  After studying those prophecies myself, it occured to me that if she was familiar with those prophecies, that meant that when the angel appeared to her and told her that she would be the mother of the Son of God that she knew what his future would entail.  She knew what her son would be called upon to endure for the good of all mankind.  So yes, I believe Mary did know.  In fact, I think Mary is the ultimate example of a "Mother Who Knows".  I'm grateful for her example of faith while facing the prospect of watching her baby boy be rejected, scourged, and sacrificed with the faith to be able to say "Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to they word." (Luke 1:38)

This is why I love Christmas so much.  This is why even though I love finding the perfect gifts for my children and those I love, that I try to keep the Savior as the center of our family's Christmas activities.  He is the reason behind it all, and because of Him there is hope for all of us.

Camden- 4 mo.

Yes, I'm still using Camden's newborn pictures that Brie took for me. (bhlphoto.blogspot.com)  I love them.  He's huge now compared to these.  I'll post more current ones tomorrow.  But tonight, I'm just going to think about him as a cute little newborn!

 

I just realized as I was putting Camden to bed tonight that he is 4 months old today.  Man I love that kid.  I realize I haven’t shared much about him on our blog.  Partly because I’ve been busy.  I think mostly though because I am still wrapping my head around how grateful I am that he’s here.:) Whatever the reason- this baby is loved like crazy, and it’s SO hard to imagine our family without a baby Camden.

The past year has been such a roller-coaster.  I was so, so sick at the beginning of my pregnancy, but I’m pretty sure I’ve already shared all that so I’ll spare you the details:).  We usually wait to tell our kids until we’re ready for everyone to know, and we usually wait to tell everyone until the end of the first trimester.  About 6 weeks in, my 8-year-old worrier was pretty sure I was going to die from some mysterious illness, so we spilled the beans so she could start sleeping again at night.  A few months later I was SO excited to start feeling better, almost overnight.  I started running a little again since I’ve had no problem running during pregnancy before.  After a couple weeks I just had a feeling that maybe I shouldn’t run anymore, and decided it wasn’t worth the risk to ignore that feeling.  A couple weeks after that, I had my 20-week ultrasound.  We (especially Broden) were thrilled to fine out we were having a little boy!  A couple days later, on a Sunday night, my doctor called me at home to tell me he was concerned about some of the findings on my ultrasound.  He went on to list several things that showed up, what they could be indicators of, as well as some strict instructions to start following immediately.  He referred me to a specialist (who couldn’t fit us in for weeks) who then recommended genetic counseling. (Really nice lady.  Not a fun experience.)  After a special fast (thank you) and after a more detailed ultrasound we got some mixed results.  The good news was that one of the things they were worried about had resolved itself.  Another thing that had initially shown up had actually been something entirely different.  Others were still there, but less worrisome because the first two were not an issue anymore.  So while we were somewhat out of the woods in one respect, we then had something different to worry about.  I had a partial placental abruption (basically the placenta started pulling away from my uterus) which created a pretty significant bleed which strangely I had no symptoms of.  By the time they knew this it had healed just fine, but then they gave me all kinds of things to watch for in case it started happening again. Interesting side note- remember when I felt like I should quit running?  They think that the tear happened right before my ultrasound.  Which was right after I quit running.  They assured me that running would not have caused it, but definitely could have made it worse.

We’ve never been so grateful for a good doctor.  We’ve always liked him, but our only experience with him before this was with well-child checks and a very normal pregnancy (Sadie).  This time, there were sleepless nights as I lay in bed waiting to feel Camden move.  (He didn’t move a lot for a while for other reasons..)  He let me come in whenever I wanted, no questions asked, just to hear my baby’s heartbeat.  Finally, especially as it got closer to my due date and he got bigger we seemed to be out of the woods.  Then my due date came and went. :)  My doctor knows how I feel about getting induced.  No judgment here for others, it just doesn’t work for me.  I had done it twice; it had been hard both times.  My third I went into labor on my own and it was SO much easier.  When I went in for my last appointment, my doctor sheepishly told me that he had expected me to have my baby by then, and he had a family vacation planned and was leaving in 3 days.  My options were to play it by ear and run the risk of someone else delivering my baby or be induced before he left.  He told me to go home, talk to Dan, pray about it, and let him know by the end of the day.   He assured me that he didn’t think induction would be a problem this time, and with it being my 4^th baby he thought it would be a quick process.  Dan and I both felt strongly that it would be ok, so we decided to go ahead with it and waited for the hospital to call and tell us they had an opening.  

We were hoping to get in the next morning, but we ended up waiting all day before we got a phone call from the hospital at 1:30 a.m. telling us we could come in.  We were there by 2:00.  We thought surely that our doctor would come in and deliver our baby before he went to work.  He came to check at 7:00- nothing.  The nurses checked several more times.  Nothing.  I swear inducing makes labor WAY harder.  I had considered a natural delivery this time.  Finally after 12 hours of labor I told Dan that if they checked me and I wasn’t at an 8 I was getting an epidural.  I was at a 3.  Found out the anesthesiologist was in a C-section and it would be 45 minutes.  Longest 45 minutes ever.  Finally got my epidural.  It only worked on one half of my body.  Argh!  After what seemed like forever they tracked down the anesthesiologist and she came and did something to make it work better. Camden was turned wrong and I still wasn’t dilating.  Then the nurse starting coming in more frequently.  I had heard Camden’s heartbeat slow down, but for some reason I was thinking that my monitor must just be shifting or something because they kept flipping me around the bed trying to get him to move.  She finally told me that the baby was struggling, and the next thing I knew our doctor was there.  The scariest moment for me was seeing our happy, ever-optimistic, always smiling doctor there with his game-face on and not cracking a smile.  When he could see that I was struggling, he was kind enough to turn the sound off on the monitor, and take the nurses out in the hall to listen to it and discuss their plan out there.  He assured me that he would not leave, nor take his eyes off our monitor.  I heard him tell the nurse to call his office and clear his schedule for the rest of the day because he needed to be there with us.  I thought it would make me crazy to have the sound turned off, but I think it actually kept me sane.  I could still see the monitor, so I could still see that it was slowing down too much with every contraction, but at least I didn’t have to hear it too.  It was still SO hard though.  It was too quiet in there, and very tense.  I know Dan and I were both pleading with Heavenly Father to bring us our baby safe and sound.  Three hours later I was just about to demand a C-section (which I found out later I was about 2 minutes away from having anyway), when our doctor came back in.  Things got a little foggy for the next little while.  I remember him saying that if they could just get me to an 8 they would call it good and deliver the baby.  Our plan all along was for Dan to deliver Camden.  It wasn’t looking too promising that he could do that anymore, but he had him gown up just in case.  He had the cord wrapped around his neck, but our doctor was able to loosen it and Dan was able to step in and deliver our absolutely perfect baby boy.  It was a very sweet moment, and it was incredible to share it with my husband in such an intimate way.   

All of my children’s births have been sweet experiences, but I can’t describe how I felt when I held Camden for the first time.  All of the emotions of first worrying about what kind of quality of life he would have, or how long we would have him for, then worrying about the pregnancy, then worrying about his safe delivery hit me all at once.  It was a feeling of gratitude, relief, and joy beyond measure.  I’m grateful for so much.  I’m grateful that Heavenly Father knew we needed this baby in our family.  We wouldn’t have been complete without him.  I’m grateful for my husband who more than once calmed my fears during my pregnancy.  I’m grateful for extended family and supportive friends.  I’m thankful for prayer.  I know it works.  I’m grateful for the priesthood.  I’m grateful for a good doctor.  I know that being induced could have contributed to a difficult labor, but I also know it was a decision we felt good about.  We just as easily could have had a difficult labor while our doctor was out of town and had someone who wasn’t as patient or willing to hang out at the hospital with us for 3 hours when he had patients scheduled.  Most of all, I’m grateful to be a mom.  It’s an honor and a privilege.  Today, I’m especially grateful that 4 months ago I became Camden’s mom.  We sure do love him.

My thoughts....

This morning I am grateful for a fussy baby who has needed to be held, rocked, and cuddled a little more than usual.  It has made me slow down and think about my feelings of the past 24 hours.  I went to bed last night with a very troubled heart.  Feelings about my personal beliefs, concerns about the economy, the future of a healthcare profession that we believe in and have invested much time, money and tuition $$  under the implementation of new healthcare laws, and I will admit my inner two-year-old wanted to come out and whine “It’s not fair!" :)   I was going to college in Utah during the financial disaster that preceded the  2001 Winter Olympics and witnessed firsthand the miraculous results of Mitt Romney coming in and saving the day.  I was so hoping for the same outcome for our country.  Even more than that though, I was sad as I looked at the results of our local races.  A phrase kept running through my head from a song that I sang often in church throughout my youth- “The truth and values we embrace are mocked on every hand.”  I won’t lie.  I’m sad.  I feel like the times I grew up in certainly had their challenges.  But nothing compared to what my kids will be faced with.  I’ve always known that would be the case.  It’s just so blatently obvious to me today.  I feel like it’s hard enough to be a kid and to make the choices that will bring the lasting happiness that Heavenly Father wants so badly for us.  Now we have thrown legal drugs and a changed definition of marriage into the mix.  Raising a happy Christ-centered family in these circumstances  seems like a daunting task. 

This morning was no different than any other, except that I woke up with a knot in my stomach. I woke up early, read scriptures and prayed with my family like we do every morning, fed my kids, bathed the baby, packed lunches, and got everyone out the door.  When I finally had a chance to sit down and rock Camden, I realized how grateful I am for my role as a mother.  I’m grateful that my children have a Dad who loves them and helps them feel safe and secure.  I’m grateful that whatever is happening outside of our home, within our walls we have the opportunity and the privilege to love them, to teach them how much Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love them.   To teach them what a precious gift from God our physical bodies are and how very important it is that we take care of them and don’t make choices that can lead to addictions, more bad choices, and heartache.  Most of all, I’m grateful to share with them the joy that we feel in family life and teach them that this is how God wanted it.  That marriage is sacred.  That man and woman were designed to marry and bring children into this world.  And especially that we can be together forever.  When I think of the opportunity we have to teach our children these truths, I’m not (as) scared anymore. 

Another phrase that’s been rolling around in my head this morning comes from a scripture found in The Book of  Mormon -  2 Ne. 31:20

 Wherefore, ye must press forward with a ^asteadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of ^bhope, and a ^clove of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and ^dendure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have ^eeternal life.

Today I’m going to focus on that “perfect brightness of hope”.   Am I thrilled with the election results?  No.  But as I told my kids- the greatest thing we can do for a president we don’t love is to pray for him.  The greatest thing we can do if we’re concerned about our country is pray for it.  As tempted as Dan and I were to pack up and move last night as marijuana and same-sex marriage were both legalized, we know that Washington is where we’re supposed to be.  We believe there is good to be done where we’re at.  So we will focus on doing good in our community.  We will continue to treat all people with love and respect as fellow Children of God.   We will teach our children to do the same and stress to them that we love everyone.  We will also teach them  that we do not love everyone’s actions, and that our beliefs continue to and will always come from the gospel of Jesus Christ and not the world’s shifting moral values.

Again- I’m thankful for a fussy baby that allowed me to find peace in my role as a mom amidst so much uncertainty  in my heart this morning.  I looked up all the words to all the verses to that song I sang as a youth and realized that by changing the word “youth” to “parents”, it described my position perfectly.

As parents in these  latter days, we stand with valiant heart,

With promise shining in our eyes, Resolved to do our part.

Upon a noble past we build; the future fills our view.

We face the challenge of our day and pledge we will be true.

The truths and values we embrace are mocked on every hand.

Yet as we listen and obey we know we can withstand

The evils that would weaken us, the sin that would destroy

With faith, we hold the iron rod and find in this our joy.

Thru test and trial we’ll have our fears, but we will not despair.

We’re here to serve a righteous cause; truth gives us strength to dare.

We’ll learn and love and overcome; we’ll sing a joyful song,

As parents in these latter days, triumphant, pure, and strong.

Hymn 256

Zions Camp 2011

Late June we went camping with a bunch of friends from our ward.  We reserved a bunch of campsites at Zions Camp.  Thanks to Allison for coming up with the great idea every year.  I wish we could go this year, but I don't think it would be as much fun with a newborn.  It was complicated enough with our 1-year-old.  (Sorry, everyone who was camping by us!)

The kids were fascinated and mortified watching Scott gut and clean the fish that he and his boys caught. 

Broden spent much of his time admiring Layne, as usual.  Hard to blame him, look at her!

But he also had lots of fun playing with her. :)

This little girl looks innocent enough, right? (Sadie, not Maren.  Maren was a HUGE help:)  You'd never know that she stayed awake the. whole. night.  Like, she didn't sleep one wink.  And she cried for much of that time.  (Again, sorry everyone!)  Funny thing is, it started right after we initally put her to bed in the tent and came back out to the campfire with the adults and talked about how she's been our best sleeper so far.  (She usually does great.)

For the rest of the time she was pretty easy though.  She was content to play in the boat in the middle of dry ground while everyone else was running around.

Fun times.... made even better by good friends!

Mary Poppins 2011

We kicked off our summer 2011 with Jacey's end of year ballet recital.  They performed Mary Poppins, and we LOVED it.  I could spend a whole post raving about how much we love the studio where she dances, but since I have a couple more recent recital posts, I'll save it! 

Jacey was a building block, and she did great!  (Kind of a far away picture, but she 's the one in the middle wearing white.)

Anyone you ask will say one of the more memorable parts of the recital was during the intermission when the fire alarm went off, and the whole auditorium had to evacuate.  We had to wait out there until the fire department came to clear the building for re-entry.  We found out later one of the little "penguins" from the 3-year-olds from the Creative Movement class pulled the fire alarm. :)

Good thing they were so cute.

As always, we loved watching the company dancers too.  They are amazing, and it's obvious they spend 20 hours a week in the studio working with Ms. Damaris.

Speaking of Ms. Damaris... Oh, how we love Ms. Damaris.  I'm so grateful we found her studio, even if it's a bit of a drive, and even more grateful that she teaches Jacey's class.

But hands down, our favorite person at that recital was our very own ballerina, Jacey.  She did great, and we always love watching her on stage!

It's a new dawn, it's a new day, and I'm feeling.....

good!  Cheesy, yes, but I don't care. :)  Maybe it was the fact that I took a shower today without feeling like I was going to pass out.  Or maybe it was that I brushed my teeth and didn't throw up immediately after. (horrible cycle...)  It could have been that I made chicken for dinner, handled the whole raw bird, even loosened the skin to rub seasoning underneath it without feeling squeamish.  I've spent the past few months trying my best to hold it together during the day only to fall apart the minute my husband walked through the door.  What a good sport.  I can't count the number of times lately he has come home from work, made dinner, put all three kids to bed, then gone back downstairs to do dishes.  How lucky am I?  I should have been enjoying it.  Instead I spent many of those nights up in my bed in tears (yes, I'm sure horomones had something to do with it:) because I would have given anything to be doing those dishes instead of feeling the way I was feeling.  This pregnancy has been very humbling.  I realize that I have been pretty proud of myself the last 3 times for having easy pregnancies.  Now I realize I was just incredibly lucky.  I keep telling Dan this baby is going to have some explaining to do. :)

It wasn't just the sudden turn around in my pregnancy that made me happy though.  (Oh...how sad will I be if I wake up tomorrow feeling yucky again?)  It certainly helped that I got out of the shower to see sunlight streaming in my bathroom window.  That's enough to make any Washingtonion happy in early February.

I also didn't mind that we got our car back today after it spent 2 months in and out of the shop because it just didn't feel like it was driving "right".  I'm grateful for my husband's careful observence to a problem that initially seemed very minor to me.  Turned out, after taking it 3 different places they finally figured out we needed a completely new transmission (among other things) on our 4 year old car.  Have I ever mentioned how much I love warranties?  It put a smile on my face that we picked it up, paid $500 for things that weren't covered, then found out the total repairs came to over $6000.  Yes, that definately helped my mood.

Did I mention that when I went to bring my garbage cans back into the garage this morning that I could see my daffodils starting to poke up out of the ground?

One of the best parts of my day happened while I was grocery shopping and got a phone call from a dear friend who lives out of state, whom I think about almost every day but hardly ever talk to.  It made me happy enough that I became "that mom" who opens the box of crackers to start feeding her 2-year-old just so I could enjoy a pleasant conversation while walking around the grocery store.  I did apologize about the open box to the clerk while checking out, but she hardly seemed to care.

Finally I was able to walk in the door at dinnertime after taking Jacey to ballet to smell dinner ready in the crock pot, and it actually smelled good to me.  I enjoyed a meal with my family, helped with bedtime, and came back down to do dishes.  Who knew I would ever be so happy to do dishes?  I'm so ready to get back to normal.  Maybe I shouldn't be so excited after one good day, but I am.  I am ready to be a fun mom again.  I'm ready to play with my kids, clean my house, cook real meals, go for the occasional run (well... waddle:), and give my husband a well-deserved break!   This has helped me realize how much I cherish being able to stay home with my kids and do the things for my family that may at times seem less-than-glamorous or mundane to the rest of the world.  This is the life I have always dreamed of, and I'm so grateful to be living my dreams.