My favorite Christmas song

The first time I remember hearing the song "Mary Did You Know?" was when I was a new-ish (Jacey was 1) mom and living in Utah.  Dan was working on his undergrad at BYU and working part-time as a Chiropractic Assistant in American Fork.  One of the chiropractors at the office he worked at invited all of the staff and families over to their house for dinner before we went home for Christmas.  I remember it being a stressful day.  Dan was getting ready for finals and it was also the day that Jacey had her first allergic reaction to peanut butter.  As a result we were totally late and I was not very relaxed when we got there.  After dinner and dessert one of the doctors got out his guitar and started playing and singing Christmas songs.  I love how music can invite the spirit, even at a work Christmas party.  For some reason this song meant a lot to me that night.  It's a beautiful song, but I also think Christmas changes once you become a mom.  At least it did for me.  It makes me think more about Mary and her role in being the mother of the Savior.  I had spent that day worried about something as little as an allergic reaction, and this song definately put things into perspective for me.

Since then, I always turn up the radio when this song comes on.  It's one of my favorites.  It took on a whole new meaning 3 years ago though.  Sadie was born on Thanksgiving Day 2009.  That was the year of the big H1N1 epidemic, and we were under strict instruction to try and keep her home as much as possible.  Shortly after her birth though, we were invited to take part in a special Young Single Adult activity in our stake, and it was an invitation impossible to turn down.  It was organized so that they would go caroling beforehand, but be rejected everywhere they went (not knowing that was the original plan).  When they got back to the church they met in the chapel, and Dan and I came in with our "baby Jesus" (Sadie:) dressed as Mary and Joseph.  They sat there quietly as Dan and I began having a discussion with each other about what Christ's life would be like, and all the prophecies concerning his life while the young adults just listened.  We then talked about our fear of him being rejected.  Both intentionally, and unintentionally by people thinking that his sacrifice would not be enough to atone for their sins.  It was a wonderful activity, and one that I've filed away to hopefully use again later.

While Dan and I were preparing for this we spent a lot of time in the scriptures, specifically the Old Testament, learning about the prophecies that had been given concerning Jesus Christ.  I was surprised by the details that were included in those prophecies.  I was surprised to find out that among many other details that they knew Jesus Christ would of course be a Savior and a Redeemer, but that he would heal the sick, cause the lame to walk, the blind to see, raise the dead, and calm the storms.  The prophecies in the Old Testament also said that he would be betrayed by one of his friends, sold for 30 pieces of silver, spit on, forced to drink vinegar, wounded for our transgressions, bruised for our iniquities, and ultimately crucified.

I believe that Mary, the woman who was chosen to be the mother of the Son of God, was a good and righteous woman.  I believe that she was well-versed in scripture and familiar with the prophecies concerning the Messiah.  After studying those prophecies myself, it occured to me that if she was familiar with those prophecies, that meant that when the angel appeared to her and told her that she would be the mother of the Son of God that she knew what his future would entail.  She knew what her son would be called upon to endure for the good of all mankind.  So yes, I believe Mary did know.  In fact, I think Mary is the ultimate example of a "Mother Who Knows".  I'm grateful for her example of faith while facing the prospect of watching her baby boy be rejected, scourged, and sacrificed with the faith to be able to say "Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to they word." (Luke 1:38)

This is why I love Christmas so much.  This is why even though I love finding the perfect gifts for my children and those I love, that I try to keep the Savior as the center of our family's Christmas activities.  He is the reason behind it all, and because of Him there is hope for all of us.

Camden- 4 mo.

Yes, I'm still using Camden's newborn pictures that Brie took for me. (bhlphoto.blogspot.com)  I love them.  He's huge now compared to these.  I'll post more current ones tomorrow.  But tonight, I'm just going to think about him as a cute little newborn!

 

I just realized as I was putting Camden to bed tonight that he is 4 months old today.  Man I love that kid.  I realize I haven’t shared much about him on our blog.  Partly because I’ve been busy.  I think mostly though because I am still wrapping my head around how grateful I am that he’s here.:) Whatever the reason- this baby is loved like crazy, and it’s SO hard to imagine our family without a baby Camden.

The past year has been such a roller-coaster.  I was so, so sick at the beginning of my pregnancy, but I’m pretty sure I’ve already shared all that so I’ll spare you the details:).  We usually wait to tell our kids until we’re ready for everyone to know, and we usually wait to tell everyone until the end of the first trimester.  About 6 weeks in, my 8-year-old worrier was pretty sure I was going to die from some mysterious illness, so we spilled the beans so she could start sleeping again at night.  A few months later I was SO excited to start feeling better, almost overnight.  I started running a little again since I’ve had no problem running during pregnancy before.  After a couple weeks I just had a feeling that maybe I shouldn’t run anymore, and decided it wasn’t worth the risk to ignore that feeling.  A couple weeks after that, I had my 20-week ultrasound.  We (especially Broden) were thrilled to fine out we were having a little boy!  A couple days later, on a Sunday night, my doctor called me at home to tell me he was concerned about some of the findings on my ultrasound.  He went on to list several things that showed up, what they could be indicators of, as well as some strict instructions to start following immediately.  He referred me to a specialist (who couldn’t fit us in for weeks) who then recommended genetic counseling. (Really nice lady.  Not a fun experience.)  After a special fast (thank you) and after a more detailed ultrasound we got some mixed results.  The good news was that one of the things they were worried about had resolved itself.  Another thing that had initially shown up had actually been something entirely different.  Others were still there, but less worrisome because the first two were not an issue anymore.  So while we were somewhat out of the woods in one respect, we then had something different to worry about.  I had a partial placental abruption (basically the placenta started pulling away from my uterus) which created a pretty significant bleed which strangely I had no symptoms of.  By the time they knew this it had healed just fine, but then they gave me all kinds of things to watch for in case it started happening again. Interesting side note- remember when I felt like I should quit running?  They think that the tear happened right before my ultrasound.  Which was right after I quit running.  They assured me that running would not have caused it, but definitely could have made it worse.

We’ve never been so grateful for a good doctor.  We’ve always liked him, but our only experience with him before this was with well-child checks and a very normal pregnancy (Sadie).  This time, there were sleepless nights as I lay in bed waiting to feel Camden move.  (He didn’t move a lot for a while for other reasons..)  He let me come in whenever I wanted, no questions asked, just to hear my baby’s heartbeat.  Finally, especially as it got closer to my due date and he got bigger we seemed to be out of the woods.  Then my due date came and went. :)  My doctor knows how I feel about getting induced.  No judgment here for others, it just doesn’t work for me.  I had done it twice; it had been hard both times.  My third I went into labor on my own and it was SO much easier.  When I went in for my last appointment, my doctor sheepishly told me that he had expected me to have my baby by then, and he had a family vacation planned and was leaving in 3 days.  My options were to play it by ear and run the risk of someone else delivering my baby or be induced before he left.  He told me to go home, talk to Dan, pray about it, and let him know by the end of the day.   He assured me that he didn’t think induction would be a problem this time, and with it being my 4^th baby he thought it would be a quick process.  Dan and I both felt strongly that it would be ok, so we decided to go ahead with it and waited for the hospital to call and tell us they had an opening.  

We were hoping to get in the next morning, but we ended up waiting all day before we got a phone call from the hospital at 1:30 a.m. telling us we could come in.  We were there by 2:00.  We thought surely that our doctor would come in and deliver our baby before he went to work.  He came to check at 7:00- nothing.  The nurses checked several more times.  Nothing.  I swear inducing makes labor WAY harder.  I had considered a natural delivery this time.  Finally after 12 hours of labor I told Dan that if they checked me and I wasn’t at an 8 I was getting an epidural.  I was at a 3.  Found out the anesthesiologist was in a C-section and it would be 45 minutes.  Longest 45 minutes ever.  Finally got my epidural.  It only worked on one half of my body.  Argh!  After what seemed like forever they tracked down the anesthesiologist and she came and did something to make it work better. Camden was turned wrong and I still wasn’t dilating.  Then the nurse starting coming in more frequently.  I had heard Camden’s heartbeat slow down, but for some reason I was thinking that my monitor must just be shifting or something because they kept flipping me around the bed trying to get him to move.  She finally told me that the baby was struggling, and the next thing I knew our doctor was there.  The scariest moment for me was seeing our happy, ever-optimistic, always smiling doctor there with his game-face on and not cracking a smile.  When he could see that I was struggling, he was kind enough to turn the sound off on the monitor, and take the nurses out in the hall to listen to it and discuss their plan out there.  He assured me that he would not leave, nor take his eyes off our monitor.  I heard him tell the nurse to call his office and clear his schedule for the rest of the day because he needed to be there with us.  I thought it would make me crazy to have the sound turned off, but I think it actually kept me sane.  I could still see the monitor, so I could still see that it was slowing down too much with every contraction, but at least I didn’t have to hear it too.  It was still SO hard though.  It was too quiet in there, and very tense.  I know Dan and I were both pleading with Heavenly Father to bring us our baby safe and sound.  Three hours later I was just about to demand a C-section (which I found out later I was about 2 minutes away from having anyway), when our doctor came back in.  Things got a little foggy for the next little while.  I remember him saying that if they could just get me to an 8 they would call it good and deliver the baby.  Our plan all along was for Dan to deliver Camden.  It wasn’t looking too promising that he could do that anymore, but he had him gown up just in case.  He had the cord wrapped around his neck, but our doctor was able to loosen it and Dan was able to step in and deliver our absolutely perfect baby boy.  It was a very sweet moment, and it was incredible to share it with my husband in such an intimate way.   

All of my children’s births have been sweet experiences, but I can’t describe how I felt when I held Camden for the first time.  All of the emotions of first worrying about what kind of quality of life he would have, or how long we would have him for, then worrying about the pregnancy, then worrying about his safe delivery hit me all at once.  It was a feeling of gratitude, relief, and joy beyond measure.  I’m grateful for so much.  I’m grateful that Heavenly Father knew we needed this baby in our family.  We wouldn’t have been complete without him.  I’m grateful for my husband who more than once calmed my fears during my pregnancy.  I’m grateful for extended family and supportive friends.  I’m thankful for prayer.  I know it works.  I’m grateful for the priesthood.  I’m grateful for a good doctor.  I know that being induced could have contributed to a difficult labor, but I also know it was a decision we felt good about.  We just as easily could have had a difficult labor while our doctor was out of town and had someone who wasn’t as patient or willing to hang out at the hospital with us for 3 hours when he had patients scheduled.  Most of all, I’m grateful to be a mom.  It’s an honor and a privilege.  Today, I’m especially grateful that 4 months ago I became Camden’s mom.  We sure do love him.